Community Discussions
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ELI5: Why is it so common for foster children to live in so many different houses?
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I can see them moving once or twice but oftentimes I hear foster kids moving to several different houses in the span of a year. How does this happen? Why don't they stay with the same foster family long-term?
Top Comment: So, the overall goal of foster care is to reunite parents and children in the end. This means that once a parent finishes rehab or does a parenting course, they're allowed to have their child back. However, this doesn't always stick and the kid has to go back into care. Spaces are limited so their old home has probably already filled that spot with another foster kid, so when you reenter the system you're placed in a new home. Then parents don't like some kids or they're not capable of handling kids with developmental or conduct disorders that arise in childhood. I was a foster kid myself, just three homes though.
Is fostering a good thing & should i even consider becoming a foster parent?
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DISCLAIMER: i have never been in foster care and i understand this is a place for foster youth so if my posting not appropriate i understand if it gets deleted and i apologize in advance, it's not my intention to impose or drown out the people this is meant for. i just wanted to see what ffy thought about this since other forums do seem to be geared towards foster parents and i feel like i alr know what their responses will be like lol. also i didn't know what flair to use since i'm not a fp and i'm genuinely just trying to educate myself so sorry if it's the wrong one. thank you!
hi, i'm still super young (college aged) so this won't be a factor for my life for a long time but i'm curious. basically when i was younger i wanted to adopt and after an adopted woman coincidentally showed up on my fyp talking about her trauma and alternatives i started casually educating myself more simply to know about some of the issues foster youth faces and stuff (i try to do this often w all kinds of groups and issues as to not be insensitive and js bc i like learning about it).
i no longer necessarily want to adopt but i thought when i was older if i was able to provide maybe foster care would be an option. ik it's not a right now kind of decision i just want to hear people out on my question!
i've never been in the system and i've never been thru anything as bad as what foster youth does and i am 100% aware of that but for some context on where i was coming from when i even thought of this as a possibility for the future:
my dad was emotionally/verbally abusive towards my mom and walked out on us (me, her, and my brother) when i was seven, my mom later had some anger issues (mostly towards me since i'm the oldest) and i was kind of parentified despite her still trying her best and being a great mom in other aspects (i do love her a lot & am close w her despite it) so i alr have kind of an unconventional view on family in some aspects (this is relevant to how my upbringing was and just my perspective ig). the divorce was complicated and my mom had to work a lot being a single mom so basically long-term babysitters, family friends, my grandparents & even (in a lesser degree) my friend's parents helped raise us A LOT. + i'm biracial w my dad being poc but my mom being white so when she made a poc friend that woman was like my idol. we definitely wouldn't have been able to get by without them.
anyway, that's how i kind of saw foster care. as helping out parents raise their kids when they couldn't do it by themselves just like everyone helped my mom raise my brother and i. i don't mind never being a mom tbh, like if i end up being one that's great but if not i js enjoy working w kids and i don't particularly feel the need to fit a "traditional mother" role. i was very much raised on found family/"it takes a village".
however, i've been following/reading ffy and their thoughts on this (again, just in my free time from time to time, it's not really something i would do til i'm much much older if i ever do) and everyone seems to have had terrible experiences. foster parents seem to treat foster youth horribly and i've seen a lot on them just basically being terrible people for several reasons (most of which seem to clock having read some stories on here) and ig i just wanted to ask if foster parents are even needed? like do you think going into fostering is even a good idea? — not talking about me personally, obviously you don't know me and can't say if i would be good at it — just in general, do you really think all foster parents are horrible and it's just not something that should exist? ik it sounds super extreme but experiences seem to be mostly negative and from the discussions here foster parents seem to be terrible people so genuinely do you think fostering is a good thing at all?
i would like to be a foster parent and help just like how so many people helped raise me (again, fully understanding that my situation was still much easier and at the end of the day i lived w my mother) but i don't wanna go into something making more of a negative impact than actually helping at all.
TLDR: do you think foster parents should be a thing? can there be good foster that are actually good people and you've had good experiences with?
thank you <3 !
EDIT: everyone has been super lovely, i actually wasn't expecting this many kind responses, thank you so so much<33333 u guys are great and i love reading all this and talking w the people who are willing to talk to me
Top Comment: I'm not an ffy but I asked a similar Q before on this sub and it resulted in me compiling a list of resources about the abolition of the child welfare system as it currently exists. Link here. . My conclusion was fostering shares the same structural issues as adoption so it's less about the individual foster parent and more about how the current system is abusive at large.
What are some things you wish you knew before becoming a foster parent?
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My wife and I are considering becoming foster parents and are looking for bits of advice/wisdom.
Top Comment: In your training, they will give you a detailed list of all the steps that are supposed to happen in a foster care case, when they are legally required to happen and how they will happen. Literally none of it will happen at the right time or in the expected order or in the way it’s supposed to. Or even at all.
'Crazy need' for B.C. foster volunteers to care for surrendered, rescued animals
Main Post: 'Crazy need' for B.C. foster volunteers to care for surrendered, rescued animals
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“Requires a room with a closing door and a window where the animal can have a quiet space”
Ah yes, a private bedroom for my foster animal. Totally doable in this real estate market.
[Serious] Redditors who were in foster care, what was it like?
Main Post: [Serious] Redditors who were in foster care, what was it like?
Top Comment: I grew up in foster care from the age of 2-17. At 6 I became a permanent ward of the state. I honestly don't remember how many foster homes I was in over the years, but more than 15. The foster care system isn't made to create well adjusted happy children. As soon as you are happy and/or comfortable in a place, they rip you out and plut you in a new home. Having most your belongings shoved into garbage bags when you were moved every few months made you feel like you were nothing. Sometimes they wouldn't even wait for you to be at home to grab you and take you to a new home. Being pulled from class by your social worker and 2 cops is always such a healthy fun experience. Sure makes what few friends you might have been able to make want to stay contact. I was considered a good foster kid, but because I wasn't a baby, I wasn't a desirable option and it was nearly impossible to find a permanent home. Which meant I had to stay in an over crowded underfunded group home, staffed by over worked and underpaid people who stopped caring long before I came along. Group homes were the worst when it came to abuse of all kinds and neglect. After being in a particularly awful one at the age of 6, my social worker decided I had to be in an actual foster home or stay with a one on one care giver in a hotel. The foster home after that was a fairly decent one, but my foster mom was more than alittle emotionally unstable. When I left that one I was placed in home after home of people who seemed to think that I was a live in slave, a paycheck, or both. They felt proud of themselves for helping this poor little girl whose mother chose drugs and men over her kids. On average I maybe saw my social worker, different ones throughout the years, 3 or 4 times a year. That includes when I was being moved from place to place. When I was 17 I moved on my own and have been independent ever since. I had to be, at 18 they cut you loose, since you are legally an adult and no longer their problem. I am now a semi successful 28 year old. I consider myself to be pretty well adjusted. When people find out I grew up in the system they are usually shocked and can't believe that someone who seems so 'normal' was in foster care. My response is usually I am stubborn, I lived through my life and I wasn't going to let myself be a victim. Sorry for the wall of text.